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Day 3 - Please forgive me, I know not what I do

Day 03 - Something I have to forgive myself for...

Grace Hopper once said that it is often easier to ask for forgiveness than to ask for permission.

For all those times I went ahead on gut feeling driven by impulse or pure recklessness without asking permission from myself,
knowing perfectly that I'd not give permission to go ahead and say,

refuse point blank to do stupid mundane tasks for my boss,

or ride in the foot board of the bus even when there's plenty room inside,

or slap someone because they were starting to sound like a male chauvinist pig,

or watch a movie when a 3000 odd words paper is due the following day....

dear me, I ask forgiveness.

And I, forgive me.

Day 02 - I love the way I dream

Today is Day 02, and Day 02 is Something I love about myself.

So come with me, where dreams are born, and time is never planned...

Just think of happy things, and your heart will fly on wings, forever,
in Never Never Land!

I'll teach you to jump on the wind's back, and away we go!

I'm youth, I'm joy, I'm a little bird that has broken out of the egg!


I love it that I can still be in love with Peter Pan :)

Dear void, catch this question...

Sometimes I wonder about my life.

I lead a small life - well, valuable, but small - and sometimes I wonder, do I do it because I like it, or because I haven't been brave?

So much of what I see reminds me of something I read in a book, when shouldn't it be the other way around?

I don't really want an answer. I just want to send this cosmic question out into the void.

So good night, dear void.

- Kathleen Kelly on You've Got Mail

30 days of Truth - Hate

What do I hate about myself?


I hate that most of my exciting awesome life is lived inside my own head.
I hate that I don't have the courage to be emotionally vulnerable.
Most of all I hate that I can so easily forgive what others do to me, but I cannot forgive what I do to myself.

End of day 01

I saw the Lions reign at MCG!

And how!
Although I have never actually watched a match live on a stadium before, even in Lanka, there's something awesome in cheering for your team in another country. And the feeling is just super awesome when you actually do win!



We bought the tickets ages ago - and around 50% of the Lankans I know in Melbourne were planning to attend - never mind the weather forecast was something awful for Wednesday.



As we later found out, the 'papare band' plays at Gate 6, Southern stand and we were at Gate 3 - but we had a good Lankan crowd in that stand too - although nothing compared to Gate 6! And maaan what a crowd that was! Evidently only around 20,000 people turned up at the MCG, and I'm positive around 75% of them were Lankans!





From the vibrant blue and yellow colours, the Lion flags, the Papare music, and the loud cheer, Australia might have been playing in Sri Lanka instead of the other way round!

The loud Lankan cheering got somewhat subdued after losing 8 wickets, and t…

When life becomes your sweetheart

Sometimes life can get you down. No let me rephrase that. Sometimes life can kick you in the gut, break your nose and then throw you into the sea bound and gagged. That is, after stealing all your money, credit cards, and erasing you from the system - like Angela in the Net.

This is when even an incurable optimist - who would keep watching a crappy movie like 'Rachael getting married' to the end just in the 'hope' that it will get better - begins to doubt if being 'good' is actually worth it.
And then... once in a blue moon, Life actually becomes your sweetheart :) These moments are rare, and yet they define our very existence and all Life's previous infidelities fade in comparison.


No I have not found the pot of gold at the end of a rainbow. Not just yet anyway. :)

But one of my dearest friends have finally found happiness and now I know that it is true what they say - that you can find happiness in the happiness of others. Because when I heard her news, and t…

Cooking apples & small pleasures

Today was a beautiful day. Warm and sunny and just what Spring is supposed to be.
I never fully appreciated my perfect Island weather until I came to this Land down under - and to Melbourne the city of freaky weather no less.
I suppose you never really do miss things until they are gone :)



When people ask me how I'm doing, I know that they usually mean how my studies are going. And yet, I think that the most important thing I have learnt since coming here is... how to cook! :)
Yes I can cook now. I know how to do kiri hodi and parippu and ambul thiyal and thel badum and what not. And surprise surprise - I actually kind of like cooking... If only there was someone else to clean up afterwards *sigh. I do hate cleaning up. Speaking of cooking, how many of you have had Apple curry?



It's just green apples cooked like you cook Ambarella - minus the sugar :) Oh and since I couldn't find good Kan kun, I've substituted Spinach or Silver beet and made the stir fry thing, which actual…

Follow your hArt ...

I wondered what would be the worth of my words in the world
if i write them and then recite them are they worth being heard
just because i like them does that mean i should mic them
and see what might unfurl

i think of the significance of my opinions here
is it significant to be giving them does anybody care
just because i'm into this does that mean i should live like it
and really do i dare

art, art i want you
art you make it pretty hard not too
and my heart is trying hard here to follow you
but i can't always tell if i ought to

so i pondered the point of my art in this life
if i make it will someone take it and think it's genuine
will they be glad that i did 'cause they got something good out of it
will they leave me and be any more inspired

i question the outcome of the outpouring of myself
if i tell everyone my stories will this keep me healthy and well
will it give me purpose, to this world some sort of service
is it worth it, how can i tell
by Tanya Davis





I am a person of extremes. M…

The heart knows what the heart wants

Cross roads – foot paths – highways.
Decisions. Choices.

Found in an FB status message – ~~When faced with 2 choices, simply flip a coin… because for that brief moment when the coin is in the air, you suddenly know what you are hoping for ~~

The heart knows what the heart wants (also seen somewhere in the omniscient Internet, but I forget where), for after all, as someone quoted to me so many years ago from English Patient- The heart is an organ of fire.

The head makes lists. Plans. Rules.
Sometimes you let your head rule the heart. Sometimes not.

Who knows what deep desires dwell in one’s own heart? A long forgotten childhood memory – a familiar face in a crowd – the glint of an eye – a stranger’s smile.

In a heartbeat the heart overrules the rules.

And then you know.

All those poor Pakistanis

Just imagine. No don't imagine. Life without Facebook?
*shudders
That's beyond imagination.

Seriously though, Facebook is such an important part in my life that I'd be really pissed if someone decided to 'ban' it. I keep in touch with my friends and even some relatives through FB - esp since I'm halfway across the globe from most of them.

And most importantly would banning anything solve anything? Evidently all this started because some crazy woman in US started a group on FB called 'Draw Muhammad Day' - which, understandably angered the Muslim community in Pakistan.

But I really don't see the purpose of banning FB though. Demanding an apology from the demented woman - yes - but banning Facebook?
I saw somewhere that the ban is only till 31st May, but that just makes it even mind boggling.

Maybe governments just like banning this and banning that. I remember the Lankan gov going to such great lenghts to ban Da Vinci Code. The funny thing about that was -…

Representing all of womankind... *gulp

Any fellow sisters out there doing engineering/computer sceince? Particulary post grads? PhDs to be more exact?
Ah yep. See I'm sure you must have felt like that YOU are the sole representative of all women - especially when you're sitting at a lecture on Fourier transformation and everyone else in the room are guys.
Seriously, what is with the ladies? Is it us? or is it the society?
I don't know ... but it is pretty annoying. And it makes the rest of us feel spooked out.0
Like poor Celia for example (the comic strip on the left)

Let me tell you this kind of thing can permanently scar you for life.
Today for instance, I went to a conference in Melbourne (yes I go to conferences now - hence feeling very big and important), where the woman participants were (surprise surprise) around 5%.
Seriously.

Notice :image maybe subejected to copy right. Image from http://www.phdcomics.com/comics/archive.php?comicid=55

Tales of Procrastination

Yesterday was utterly unproductive. *Sigh Spent hours fiddling with Word and Turnitin. Stupid Word. Kept reformatting my references when I used secondary citations.
A secondary citation is when you cite something that was cited in a paper/article that you've read. As in [3, cited in 1]. Word kept auto formatting it to ' [3,1]'. Sheesh. This is why am such an avid Latex fan. I've decided to keep using Endnote to keep track of my references. I can always take the bibTex output when I start writing the Lit survey - so no worries of compatibility there. And I can also just import the citations from google scholar (most of the time) - which is really useful.



So anyway around 3 pm yest, I kept hearing a voice in my head saying 'Need. Something. Sweet'...'Need. Something. Sweet'...'Need. Something. Sweet'
Original idea of an ice cream was chucked aside as highly lunatic and dangerous because, really who eats ice cream when its 12 C?
And moreover, who als…

Yes I hear the drums!

Its almost a month since I've come to Melbourne. And a day and a month since I left Lanka. So far, I'm not complaining :)
So anyway the first thing people here say when I say my name - my surname - that is - "Can you hear the drums?"
At first I was like "Huh?" with this extremely confused look on my face, by which time they would explain about this. :D Of course silly me.

One of the best things about Melbourne is that its so multi cultural. Frankly I think everyone should come to Melbourne - at least for a few days! - just for that multi cultural experience. Some people could really learn a thing or two on tolerance and ethnic diversity.

Oh and the moon looks weird here. Bigger. I don't know why that is. Hmm

The worst thing is the weather. Being autumn, its getting very windy and cold. Even though 14 C is not supposed to be that cold - somehow it is. Only good thing about it is that I treated myself to new (and my first!) boots :D

I have used all three (tram…

Rainbow in my heart

This is my last night at home for a long time to come. One last time to listen to the wind rustling the huge Bo tree infront of our house...One last time to watch the crafty kingfisher catch a little fish in the lotus pond in the backyard. One last time to sit at Ammi's feet and have her oil my hair...

Yes - I am leaving home - and high time too I think! Enough of being spoilt at home and being a pain to my uncomplaining parents! :D

Even though I have dreamed of this day, it still feels surreal. Can this be happening?
Part of me wants to break away, and have my own adventure - on my own terms. The other part of me wants to lock myself in my room and hide in my own little world.

As the wise and omnipotent Tintin once said (in Blue Lotus I think) - there is a rainbow in my heart today. Rain falls because I am leaving the two people that I love most in the world for a long time - and yet the Sun shines because I'm about to pursue my dream in a new land.

To cut a long story short - thi…

My accomodation problem may be solved!

l finally resolved my accommodation problem today! Well, sort of.

Thing is, I've been searching for a room/flat/townhouse in Melbourne. I'm going there to do my post grad research studies at La Trobe uni in a few days.

So I finally found something I liked on the web - and knowing as internet content cannot fully be trusted, asked an auntie of mine there to check it out.
So we talked today and apparently the room is quite nice. Its quite affordable most importantly, walking distance to uni, and its in a main road so I can take the bus quite easily. And its furnished and the rent includes bills as well.

Yeah so a Yay! moment for me! Been having quite a few such moments this year - starting from the day I received news of my scholarship :)

I've opted to share with a roommate, so now the only problem I have is what kind of roommate I might get. Hmm... I mean I don't want a roommate from hell. Currently there is noone else for that room, so I get to have it all to myself until …

කැන්ගරු කතාවක්

ඕස්ට්‍රේලියාව කිව්ව ගමන් මතක් වෙන්නෙ කැන්ගරුන් ව. ලංකාවෙ අපිට නං කැන්ගරුවො දැකගන්න වෙන්නෙ සත්තු වත්තට ගියොත් විතරනෙ. හැබැයි ඕස්ට්‍රේලියාවෙ නම් ටිකක් නගරෙන් පිට ගියොත් පාර අයිනෙ කැන්ගරුවො පැන පැන යනව පේනව. සමහර වෙලාවට අධිවේගී මාර්ග අයිනෙ වාහන වලට හැපිල උන් මැරිලත් ඉන්නවා.
ඉතින් මේ සටහන මම ඕස්ට්‍රේලියාවෙදි ගිය එළිමහන් සත්තු වත්තක හිටිය කැන්ගරු පවුලකට වෙච්චි දෙයක් ගැනයි. එළිමහන් කිව්වෙ, මේකෙ සත්තු කූඩු කරලම නැහැ.
වැටවල් ගහලා ටිකක් ස්වභාවිකත්වයට ළං වෙන්න තියන තැනක්. සමහර සතුන් අල්ලන්න, කෑම දෙන්න එහෙම පුලුවන්.
එක තැනක් තිබුනා - එතන කැන්ගරුවො එක්කල හිටිය 'එමු' කියල මහ විසාල කුරුල්ලො ජාතියකුත්. අනේ කැන්ගරුල නම් හරි අහිංසක පාටට හිටිය. අර කුරුල්ලො නම් මහ නාහෙට අහ්න්නෙ නැති උන් ටිකක වගෙයි.
පහළ පිංතූර ටික බැලුවොත් පෙනෙයි මට එහෙම හිතුනෙ ඇයි කියල...






මුලින් අපි ගියේ කැන්ගරු අම්ම ගාවට...චූටි පැටියටත් කෑම දුන්නට ඌ තාම කිරි බොන වයසෙද කොහෙද නිසා අම්ම විතරයි කෑවෙ.

















මේ තමයි කැන්ගරු තාත්තා. එයා ටිකකින් කෑම එක අත් (කකුල්?) දෙකෙන්ම අරන් කන්න ගත්තා.



















ඔන්න බලන්න දුෂ්ට එමූ කරන වැඩේ!
















පව් අසරණ කැන්ගරු :( එමූට කෑම …

Songs that make you wonder

I've been taking long drives a lot lately, and listening to my cousins ipod and one of the things that you can do to fight falling asleep at night when driving is to have long discussions on what the current track means. :D
So the number one song that we've been listening to a lot - and singing along too is American Pie by Don McLean : 'Now for ten years we've been on our own
And moss grows fat on a rollin stone,
But thats not how it used to be.
When the jester sang for the king and queen,
In a coat he borrowed from james dean
And a voice that came from you and me,

Oh, and while the king was looking down,
The jester stole his thorny crown.
The courtroom was adjourned;
No verdict was returned.
And while lennon read a book of marx,
The quartet practiced in the park,
And we sang dirges in the dark
The day the music died.'
The original one - not the poppfiyed one by Maddona. Its a great song to sing along to - that is until you start wondering what the hell he's talking about ..…

Stranded in Melbourne

Flight to Sydney from Melbourne was to be at 8.30 pm yesterday. After a scalding hot day I was really really tired and wanted to get on the plane and be in a nice soft bed in Sydney by 11.Huh so not to be :( See Aussie weather is really freakish. One minute is 40 degrees and then you get flash flooding and storms the next few hours. So the weather god up in Sydney must have thought to have some fun (at our expense) and decided on a storm yesterday night. Which meant that all flights got cancelled. Oh yeah, did I mention that we were flying budget airlines? Which means that if your flight got cancelled - you're screwed. You dont get accommodation or food until the next flight. So yesterday evening, at about 6pm, we walk to the check in counter carrying all these heavy bags - tired, shoulders aching. And theres this looong queue which we join. Then theres this guy from the airline who starts yelling 'Going to Sydney? Going to Sydney? your flight's been cancelled' All arou…

I think I will vote this election…

And I think you should too. I will not tell you whom to vote for. That is entirely upto you. But please, vote for someone.
As for myself, I am someone who have only voted once before – and I am 26. What with all that horrible ink stain that refuses to go away for days, and the fact that I had no real interest, and felt no sense of responsibility nor connection with politics put me off the whole voting thing.
But you see, I have realized that we can't just wipe our hands off our responsibility of voting in a president. Yes, the way I see it, it is not just our constitutional right, but also our responsibility. I've heard somewhere that people get the leaders they deserve. So what if you don't care much for any of the candidates? There is always a choice and you have to make one.
Fact is, we have to work with what we've got. If you feel like something should change, vote for the person who you believe will make that change. If you feel something should stay the same, vote…