Despite the fact that I am now a few extra kilos heavier than when I started uni, I can still quite easily fit into my old denims. Some of them I've been wearing since...um A/Ls? Thats like 5 years!
Since this seems to be an amazing feat when compared with most of my friends, I have decided to take pity on all you poor celluloid battling mortals and instruct you all on the art of not getting fat without starving. or going to a gym.
Basically the key to this methodology is procrastinating. and daydreaming.
When you get up in the morning, what do you do? Do you jump out of the bed ready to tackle the new day?
If you do, DONT!
If you have to get up at 6, set the alarm at 6. Then set a second alarm at 6.30. This will ensure that you get up at 6.30, thus making you 30 minutes late. Also never ever iron your clothes the night before. Leave the ironing till morning.
At about 6.45 you will suddenly realize that you're really really late - again - and you will automatically shift into hyper speed gear. Operating in hyper speed will make you run around the house like crazy and will burn more calories.
Of course all this is ineffective unless you have to be on time at the office/school/uni and you're traveling by a staff van/transport. Beware that if you're using public transport this methodology wont work. That is because you tend to think : "Oh im only a few minutes late. But I can catch the next bus/train".
Also you need to live at least 5 minutes away from the main road. And your transport must only pick you up from there. If you live very near the main road, sell your house and move further away right NOW!
When you're ready to leave the house, ensure that you leave at least one item (eg: glasses, lunch, phone) behind.
Then run halfway to the road.
Remember that you have left some stuff behind. For the benefit of the onlookers (aka jobless losers who stare bleary eyed over their walls) slap your forhead and say some inappropriate swear word.
Turn back and run back to your house.
Pick up your thing and run back full speed.
Note: It is important that you do not overdo the lateness ritual. This might make you r transport leave without you and REALLY make you late for work. Also always keep an extra hair brush in your bag just in case you dont have time to brush your hair.
If you follow this ritual everyday I can guarantee you that you can continue eating chocolate ice cream AND wear your favourite old pair of jeans.
Arent I a genius or what?!
Since this seems to be an amazing feat when compared with most of my friends, I have decided to take pity on all you poor celluloid battling mortals and instruct you all on the art of not getting fat without starving. or going to a gym.
Basically the key to this methodology is procrastinating. and daydreaming.
When you get up in the morning, what do you do? Do you jump out of the bed ready to tackle the new day?
If you do, DONT!
If you have to get up at 6, set the alarm at 6. Then set a second alarm at 6.30. This will ensure that you get up at 6.30, thus making you 30 minutes late. Also never ever iron your clothes the night before. Leave the ironing till morning.
At about 6.45 you will suddenly realize that you're really really late - again - and you will automatically shift into hyper speed gear. Operating in hyper speed will make you run around the house like crazy and will burn more calories.
Of course all this is ineffective unless you have to be on time at the office/school/uni and you're traveling by a staff van/transport. Beware that if you're using public transport this methodology wont work. That is because you tend to think : "Oh im only a few minutes late. But I can catch the next bus/train".
Also you need to live at least 5 minutes away from the main road. And your transport must only pick you up from there. If you live very near the main road, sell your house and move further away right NOW!
When you're ready to leave the house, ensure that you leave at least one item (eg: glasses, lunch, phone) behind.
Then run halfway to the road.
Remember that you have left some stuff behind. For the benefit of the onlookers (aka jobless losers who stare bleary eyed over their walls) slap your forhead and say some inappropriate swear word.
Turn back and run back to your house.
Pick up your thing and run back full speed.
Note: It is important that you do not overdo the lateness ritual. This might make you r transport leave without you and REALLY make you late for work. Also always keep an extra hair brush in your bag just in case you dont have time to brush your hair.
If you follow this ritual everyday I can guarantee you that you can continue eating chocolate ice cream AND wear your favourite old pair of jeans.
Arent I a genius or what?!
Yep pure genius...
ReplyDeletethank you, thank you!
ReplyDelete*takes a bow